3 Fs Series: Dating Jungle F*ckery

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By Maisha Conze

The dating disastories (yeah I made that up:P) I hear from friends, family, or just people in general leave me SMH. I live in dating purgatory with no sign of release, so forgive me if these war stories leave me with little hope.

Prime example, met a guy through a mutual friend. Guy and I make plans to watch a movie at my place. Guy comes over, being the hostess with the mostest that I am, I tell guy to make himself comfortable. Well why did I do that? I turn around and guy has proceeded to take off his shirt off exposing his oh-so-hairy back and breasts that appeared bigger than mine. Where they do that at? My house, apparently! Don’t get me wrong, I love love. I am THE quintessential Libra…balance, harmony, Venus, relationships, the whole nine. Unfortunately life has a way of taking the wind out of your love sails.

As a woman I get a kick out of talking to the fellas about dating Fuckery. I will briefly clarify again until we become better acquainted. When I refer to Fuckery, it’s everything that deals with sex, dating, relationships, party & BS, & socializing. In this case, our topic is dating. I’ve had what I consider to be a “good guy” tell the tale of ditching his all-of-a-suddenly unattractive date. He said he was going to the bathroom, jetted to his car and hauled ass.

Oh, how about the multiplying kid routine? A male friend tells me about a woman he was getting to know and how she started off having one child, which eventually turned into three as their relationship progressed. Fucked up, ain’t it? But it’s not nearly the worst of what can happen when you enter the dating jungle filled with ill-mannered gorillas & lipstick hyenas.

When involved in the man-cave discussions, I come away realizing how wide and narrow the great man vs. woman divide really is. Oxymoronic you say? How can the divide be wide & narrow at the same damn time? Oh, but it is. People are complex, so is it really a surprise that the mating dance is also?